It wasn’t/isn’t good.
I woke up the other night repeatedly crying in my sleep.
And then I was ok, but then I wasn’t.
And then yesterday, the crying just wouldn’t stop.
I told my husband that I think I need to get help, but I don’t even know what kind of help I need.
I saw a friend, and there was more crying.
And then I felt better – for a little while.
And today I have felt even more drained, burned out and completely tapped than I have in a very long time.
And I am scaring people, but frankly, I’m kinda freaked out myself, because I have apparently reached my limit.
I don’t want to/ cant really talk about whatever it is, because I don’t even know what it is – other than it is so much stress, over so long a period of time that I just seem to be out of any reserves. I don’t even have the reserves to CHAT about whatever this is, and the idea of making smalltalk is more daunting than climbing mountains.
Things I normally would use to de-stress aren’t working.
Part of me wants to just hand the reins over to someone else. Like I don’t want to be responsible for anything for a few days. I am mustering the energy to work, and get out of bed, that sort of thing, and as far as I’m concerned, if the universe wants me to do anything else, I don’t think I’m their girl right now.
Usually I am able to go through tons of stuff and pick myself up and dust myself off and just take care of anything I need to take care of, but it doesn’t seem to be working today. I think that I’ve been doing this very thing for so long that its biting me on the ass.